Learn to listen with intent
Listening is the holy grail of coaching. It is the most fundamental skill for a coach. People always think listening is easy but there is a clear difference between listening and really listening in a deeper way, to be able to fully connect with a person on a deeper level. For most people this is extremely hard, for some it is impossible.
The question to ask is what gets in the way of us fully listening to the other person? Mostly it is our lack of ability to focus. In our modern world everything must always be fast and on the move, so daily we are flooded with input and various stimuli. Our ability to cope, is to make sure each stimulus always almost immediately triggers a response. We have adopted a kind of “find an immediate answer and counter argument to everything” approach. This is however exactly the opposite to active and pure listening described earlier.
By us missing the skill to actively listen, we are significantly holding back our own enhancement and potential personal growth. While we are assuming the opposite, that by always having the right response and knowing what to say next we leave a good and professional impression about ourselves, the opposite is often the case. Through non - listening we miss out important information, we often lose patience, we make quick judgements and easily get bored or distracted and go off on a tangent. Our skill to listen therefore directly influences who we feel connected to, as well as our own personal growth and enhancement.
Not only coaches but everyone can actively train to listen. A few key tips on how to enhance your listening skills below:
1. See listening as collecting data
The moment when someone shares information about themselves with you, see it as you are collecting data from them. The more you therefore grow your “databank” on that person, the better you will be able to understand and ultimately feel connected to them.
2. Explore what might be under the surface
There is a reason behind everything people share with you. Your job is, through listening, to find out what this reason is and respond to it appropriately. The only way to do this however is to carefully listen and fully let go of any judgment you hold towards someone. Only then can you connect and see what people often might not tell you at first hand because they feel uncomfortable.
3. Ask for the reason and the problem without judgement
The two fundamental questions to ask yourself when listening:
Why is this person telling me this?
What is making this a problem for them?
Really listen to understand what the underlying problem is. It will give you focus, lets you recognize emotions and allows you to discover what is not said and see opportunities on how to deeply connect with the person.
4. Do not be afraid of silence
Silence leaves room for thought. There does not always have to be one of you talking. Silence lets you and the other person reflect on what is said
5. Create a safe space of trust
This is especially important for more difficult conversations. Make sure you are empathetic and give people a save space to express themselves without judgement or having to be afraid they might become uncomfortable. Again, active listening can help you achieve this much faster.
Listening is not just listening; active listening means to fully connect and discover deep thoughts of a person and what is important for them rather than only looking at the surface. In an ever-changing world active listening is key to achieve personal enhancement as well as be empathetic and care for others around you.
