Free yourself of the opinion of others - it will lead to fulfilment
The older I become, the more I realise how dependent I am on the opinion and more so the appreciation of others. We all want to be liked, popular and don’t like the idea of conflict with those close to us that we value. What we often don’t realise is that it can be incredibly hard to constantly try and please everyone around us. To the point when it might affect our own happiness in life .
We therefore need to find a way to on the one hand value and appreciate advice, while on the other hand still be able to make our own decisions and do what makes us happy. This can often be more difficult then it sounds, as it allows us to make our own decisions and mistakes, while asking and even appreciating the advice of others at the same time.
Of course, not everyone is constantly faced with people giving advice and sharing opinions, however if that moments comes, thee are various techniques how we can deal with it, without causing an argument.
The first thing we really have to understand is that the advice and opinion of the person close to us is an act of love. They really want us to be ok and feel the need to share their opinion for us to consider their perspective. Many of us see strong opinions that sometimes also might contradict our own as an attack, rather than an act of love. Really, when we eagle faced with a person that just can’t stop giving advice - we need to almost activate that little noise within us so constantly say you love me, you love me, you love me - it will help.
Another option is to let the other person talk and pay her respect - but we might not be in the mood in that very moment to face their advice and need more time to think about it. I am a fan of metaphors. The metaphor here is to take all of those opinions and advises and park them into a big container in our mind to unpack then again later and deal with them when we have the mental capacity. This way, we listen and pay respect to the person sharing their advice, but we park those thoughts for now, rather than engaging into a conflict.
Also, when things get very intense in those conversations, it is ok to walk away or end the conversation. We are in change of our own life and make the decisions. We can even communicate this by saying things like I don’t want to talk about this now or just saying - I appreciate your advice but what works work you does not work for me as I am different. The beauty of this is , that we turn an attack and defence situation into a much calmer one where nobody gets offended.
Dealing with people that constantly want to give advise can be tough. However, remember, you are in the driving seat of your own life. You are in charge and while advise is great - you make your own decisions. Besides, there various techniques to deal with those conversations, without them turning into pure attach and defence situations. You can make your own choices - so do what makes you happy.
