The importance of making your own decisions - and mistakes
Our whole life is about making decisions. Some are very easy like - what do we feel like eating today and some are much harder such as where do we like to live or what Job we choose to do? It is not about making decisions - it’s about how we make them. What influences us in our decision - making and how much influence is healthy?
Now, some people might argue they don’t have a problem with making decisions as they just go along with what they desire. Trust me, all of us are constantly making decisions. Weather it is consciously or unconsciously and if we don’t make decisions actively, they are passively made for us by others. So, decision making is something that affects us all.
The realization that all of us constantly must decide, bring us to another point - who influences us in our decisions and how much influence is good? First, it is important to say that WE and only WE make the decision. Nobody else can do this for us. This is particularly important with decisions that have far reaching consequences. For those, we very often feel overwhelmed with the task of making choices that might have far reaching consequences. This fear of taking thew wrong path and a lack of knowledge on consequences and the future that this decision will bring for us, makes us more open to listen to others and more vulnerable to being influenced by external forces in our choices. This can be a good thing and a bad one.
The key hear is to reach the right balance on external influences. First, we have to really be aware that at the end of the day we are the ones making the decision and only we will have to live with the consequences. That means, external influences can only guide us, but they can’t make the decision for us.
Once we understand that, we need to make sure have the RIGHT sources influence us. Those are usually people that we trust and are close to us. It can also sometimes be people who are experts in the field if it is a more technical decision to make that needs expert knowledge. We should establish a small circle around us of people that we really trust. The circle however should be balanced of people who can argue for both sides of the decision we are about to make, the positive sides and the negative sides. It is important that we see these people as allies that can advise us and make the burden of taking the decision on our own smaller. We should share our fears and concerns about the decision with those people and let them have their say.
What is very important however, is that we only go to those people and those people getting involved, once we feel ready to do so. Once we are stuck in our decision making and feel it is time to get advice, we can reach out to those allies to help us reduce the fear of going down the wrong path. Also, a lot of people are stuck once they reach a point of a lack of information and knowledge to make an informed decision. Here, those allies can help to advise us on next steps to take or help us fill that knowledge gap. It is important to remember though that the choice is ours as well as the bearing of the consequences.
Also, the people advising us do have to follow some basic rules. They must acknowledge that the choice is ours in the end and that they are only functioning as advisers. It is also fine if they don’t agree with us or think we are making mistakes. It is key that we make our own mistakes if so and learn the experience of decisions being wrong or not working out as planned.
We cannot anticipate everything from the start and making wrong decisions is human. That’s should not scare us of making them. It is our life and our decision how we want to live it. Outsider that we truly trust, and it should only be people that we trust can only advise us and tell us about their opinions on how they would make the decision – however they cannot make the decision for us and if we go down another course than what they think is best - it is us that have to live with it and bear the consequences. However, we should still make our own decisions and mistakes with being influenced externally, but not being dictated to.
